UN-Dateable: Vol. 3

I am single. I am no longer in the committed, loving relationship I was in for almost 3 years. In respect to my ex-partner this post is not about the dissolution of that relationship. This is about the aftermath, the process many of us women go through after heartbreak. To be clear, we ended things mutually and on good terms...as good as any ending can be. I truly thought this was the last relationship I was going to be in. To say breaking the habits of a 3 year partnership was difficult, is a vast understatement. In the beginning, it was trying to not pick up the phone a call his number. It was the weekends not filled with our plans. The future, not composed of our intentions. All of that was over, and that was hard to get used to. I'll be the first to admit I've got some severe abandonment issues. My defense mechanism is usually not to let anyone too close. If they're not "in" then I won't be disappointed when they leave. If this experience has taught me anything, it is that my biggest fear happened, and yet, I survived. I continued on. Some days, tearfully but I nonetheless, faced my days the best I could. After that phase, it was telling the people around me. From my friends and family, to my hairdresser. You take for granted the people who wish you well, even from afar. Friends truly showed me the meaning of real sisterhood. Showing up with wine and flowers, letting me cry on their shoulders. Cooking me dinner and making me laugh for the first time in days, reminding me how well they truly knew me. These girls texted or messaged me every single day and listened to every self indulgent thought that came across my mind. It was beautiful and selfless of all of them. I've got a great group of women supporting me. Then my parents, my heroes. Came to my aid, immediately when I got my wisdom teeth out and didn't have anyone to pick me up and care for me. Took me on a sorrowful Valentine's day dinner, a really hard day for me after all this. They continue to embody the meaning of unconditional love. Without them, I would be nothing. Without my mother, I'd crumble and that's a fact. After that phase, I started to push myself to get out in the dating world. It was probably way too soon, but I felt that I had to get it over with or something. I was thoroughly annoyed with myself crying all the damn time. I did not want to be at home crying every night. So instead, I downloaded dating apps and got out there. I cringed at the constant parade of shirtless pics. The guys' profiles all begin to look the same. *"Let's get drinks!" "Not looking for anything serious" "Let's see where this goes!"* Here's the game ladies, take a shot every time you see these lines on a tinder profile. Okay, don't. You'd die and I don't want that on my conscience. 

Dating today is different, even so than from 3 years ago. Remember when we used to declare a man a "jerk" when they wouldn't call a woman back after a date? Or how a one night stand was so scandalous, people would often ask it in a game of never have I ever? Well, now everyone is Joey Tribbiani. We all ghost someone after an awkward date, or truthfully even a good one. We disappear because we don't want to face the truth that we're all out here not knowing what the heck we're doing. None of us know what we're really looking for. Either too badly bruised from our last relationships or too busy searching for the "better fit". Even when you have a great time with someone, you tend to start to find the flaws and bail. I've gone on more dates than I've ever gone on before. All kinds of men, that aren't typically "my type". I entertain my friends with the stories of my escapades with them and probably shock them with my carelessness about the situations at hand. And while my behavior is not my typical behavior or normal for me, I feel more like myself at this moment than I have in a very long time. Through this process I've reached a new level of confidence. Something that has nothing really to do with my physical appearance, but more to do with the fact that I am getting closer and closer to not giving a f what anyone thinks. I spent so much time in the past worrying about people's perceptions of me. Men's perceptions of me and what that meant. On one date I was faced with the fact that we had absolutely nothing in common. I listed off my disinterest in things like beer, sports, action movies, and camping. The date asked me if I was sure I was attracted to men. He could not fathom that because my interests were mostly feminine and the media I consumed was female-centric, I could not possibly be attracted to men. I laughed it off, and I know he meant it jokingly but it got me to thinking. Why should I or any other woman apologize for what they truly love or are interested in? I love movies about women who are strong, funny and powerful. I love art that is inspiring to me. Music by angry female artists with lots to say. I love to drink wine while listening to Wes Montgomery. And if you're looking for me to apologize for this, then you should probably find a hobby that keeps you busy, because that will not happen. I'd rather be alone than pretend to be someone I'm not. I've been loved before and I'll be loved again, for exactly who I am. This constantly evolving, artistic, strong willed woman I am and I am becoming. 

Thanks for reading...

Statement Shoes

Click the links to Get The Look: Top (Similar) Loft , Jeans: Loft , Shoes: (Similar)
Proenza Schouler , Earrings: (Similar) Nordstrom

Excision of Bartholin's Gland : One Year Later

It feels a bit self indulgent to talk about what happened a year ago, but when women continue to find me on Instagram and ask me questions about my surgery, I feel it necessary to talk about. One year later and I've been able to accomplish a lot. The most important thing, NO MORE CYSTS or ABSCESSES. When I was suffering I also searched the web for anything. Any glimpse of hope or break from chronic pain and the unknown and let me tell you there's not much. I even remember reading articles about the surgery I had saying that it didn't work for women and fearing that there was not going to be change in what I had been going through. My doctor assured me it could NEVER happen, at least on that side. However, now I know even if I get a Bartholin's cyst on the right side, I'll immediately remove the other gland and move on. 

So, let get down to the things that no one talks about or tells you. 1. Costs. Of course the costs of many doctor's visits, ER visits, and surgeries add up. In the beginning when I started getting the Bartholin's cysts I had excellent insurance. I rarely paid a dime out of pocket. Then when I got a new job, the bills started to add up. Keep in mind I had 6-7 cysts in the span of 9 months. Doctor visits, then follow up visits, then surgeries they all have costs. Ultimately, in total I probably spent over $4000. Mind you I'm lucky, because I have a job and insurance but I do feel it is important to talk about because I feel like women suffering deserve to know. What I spent to me felt like a small fortune at the time, but I did it on my own and there's a sense of pride I feel in that. 

Secondly, the recovery and healing. After all the surgeries comes the healing. Down time and rest. I remember on the days after my mom left and my boyfriend had to return to his routine, I felt so lonely and incredibly bored. This time last year I was off from work for 2 weeks, in some slight pain but hopeful about my future. A year ago, I didn't know I would be visiting 4 new cities, I've never seen. I didn't know that I get a promotion at work, but in a year a lot can happen. A lot of positive things I made happen with hard work. On the other side, in my healing and focus on getting better, I've felt isolated and incredibly inactive. My friendships have changed and I feel as though I've grown distant with some people I thought, I never would. I also have, by my own fault, have not been exercising and have gained weight since last year. To be completely honest, in addition to the health journey I had another trauma happen last year around the time that all this started with that I'm not quite ready to talk about. Very few people know, but it's affected me tremendously. I am working so hard on  myself and growing in so many ways but truthfully, I feel as if I'm failing. I have changed, I am struggling and feel as though the trauma has contributed to my feelings of isolation and being lethargic. I'm planning on seeking help, and working on these things. All I can say is that I am a work in progress. 

Lastly, all I can say is when I write these kind of personal posts, I think to myself : No one cares, no one wants to know about your minor little surgeries and your personal little feelings. Then I have women I've never met reach out to me via email or on Instagram telling me about the immense pain they're in with their Bartholin's cysts, and how no one they know has gone through this. Then I think, if they stumbled upon this blog post and at the very least they don't feel alone, well then it feels worth it. I think of the other women who may stumble upon this blog and also experienced a sort of trauma and on some level can relate and not feel like a leper of society then I would feel like my writing isn't totally in vain. For the others that read this to support me, I just want to say I truly appreciate your interest. I know this started as a fashion blog. All the pretty pictures and outfits, but in a time where women are voicing their minds in a way like never before I want to use this tiny, platform and therapeutically voice mine. Today I went on a hike to clear my mind and get outside. I thought about where I was a year ago, about the times where getting in and out of my car was a difficult task and bathing was impossible and going to the bathroom (sorry) was excruciating. Then here I am hiking, working up a sweat, taking in the clean crisp autumn air and I feel alive. 

I hope that all of you, whatever you are experiencing right now, can feel that I am here for you. I mean that wholeheartedly. I seek connections, not vapid small talk, real deep friendships with people and if we can bond in some small way over our hardships, even if you feel they are minor or too major to understand, I am here and I will listen. 

xoxo, thank you for reading. 

Stylist Sessions.

When I started in fashion, it stemmed from this recognition within myself that I had an act for helping women dress for the look they wanted to achieve. I'm sure to some it may seem like this isn't a big deal. It's just shopping right? It's so much bigger than that. Every woman knows that feeling of going into a fitting room and feeling defeated and insecure. We let our self-doubt get the best of us sometimes, but having someone who can identify what you need with out you even having to say it,is a big deal. Not only that, a woman equipped with the styling tools to dress confidently, can not be stopped. She is powerful, when she doesn't have to fidget with her dress or constantly adjust her outfit because she doesn't feel secure. I love doing this for women, it makes me so happy. It's like opening a gift on Christmas morning. I had the pleasure of working with a great friend and hopefully tapped into something. She is already very stylish, but was looking for a bit of polish to her look. She wanted to know how to make pieces she loves work for her everyday life. It was about using her own pieces and make them elevated and refined. I curated a few looks for her, that still looked like her but a just bit more thoughtful and sophisticated. Here are those looks!

1.)Duster Do's 

2.) Lacey Geisha 

3.) Winter Blues 

4.)You Had me at Merlot

In this process, I feel as though it brought us closer together. There is something about styling someone that brings out the vulnerability in them, and the stylist included. It's as if we both are aware that it's slightly uncomfortable to put your full trust in someone in something so personal, like your style. So with careful thought, the stylist takes those cues and approaches with tact because they've been there too. In our talks we stripped down to our most vulnerable selves expressing our deepest insecurities, but within that something beautiful emerges. We support and lift each other up. We as women reinforce what we already see in each other as friends, and bond. It's an amazing thing. So, yes, it's more than just "styling sessions", it's therapy. In a time where women are still being scrutinized by minuscule details like what we wear to work or school, we can't allow a second of anxiety to stand in our way of achieving our goals. We must be stronger, faster, smarter than anyone who tries to hold us back. That is the power of confidence. There is nothing more powerful than a confident woman. 

If you ever need a styling session ( therapy included), you know where to find me. As always, thank you for reading. XOXO.

NOLA.

Growing up I'd watch re-runs of No Reservations constantly and appreciated the fact Anthony Bourdain would go to the places a little less unsung than in the other networks shows. He'd meet his crew's Grandmother or Aunt and they would cook up their local cuisine and that's where the magic stood. I always knew that when I got the opportunity to travel, that I wanted to emulate that style or mentality about visiting new places. Of course, I may not have the luxury of having someone's Grandmother whip me up an amazing home cooked meal, but I privately vowed to take the time to research what makes the place special and really narrow in on that. 

This passed weekend, my girls and I went to New Orleans. Synonymous, with partying we took the a different approach. We ATE and we ate GOOD. Our first dinner was at a restaurant called, Antoine's. It has been around since the 1840's and still serves the original recipes. It was an experience from start to finish. 

We started with the Pommes de Terre Soufflées,that were airy fancy french fries, to put it simply. But they were heavenly. Paired with a light champagne and for my entree, I ordered, Poulet aux Champignons, (chicken breasts with a mushroom sauce served with onion rice). It was an explosion of flavor for my taste buds. Rich, salty decadence with a spike of spice. Nothing like I'd ever tasted before. I ended the meal with a local take on bread pudding with rum and pecans and some very luscious coffee. We all indulged and it was fantastic. The next morning we ate at Brennan's for Brunch. It was a humid rainy morning and we were all so excited for our meal. The decor inside was playful and colorful, reminiscent of Marie Antoinette meets The Beverly Hills hotel, and that is nothing less than a compliment. We started with our beverages of choice, juice, a rum cocktail and I had the New Orleans style coffee. I ordered the Eggs Benedict with coffee crusted bacon. And finally we all were way too full for dessert. The rest of the day was left for sightseeing. We walked the Garden District and saw all the historic homes. Some dating back to the 1830's, we even saw the very first home built in the city of Lafayette, now known as New Orleans. 

  

To Take the Tour We Took, Click the Link!

On our first night there, our Uber driver advised us to check out Frenchmen street, he said it's where the locals go to listen to live music. I'm so glad he mentioned it, because that became our favorite part of the trip. It wasn't as crazy as Bourbon but had a bouncy magnetic energy. We stumbled upon a street market selling art and jewelry, which personally reminded me of the little things I love about Austin. I bought a piece of art to remind me of my trip and the amazing company I had on my trip. My girls are the best travel companions, I have to say. Lastly, our Hotel was this amazing little 4-star  boutique hotel in the middle of everything. We never really spent more than $10 on an uber the entire time we were there. Le Pavillion. Our favorite detail, by far was, at 10 p.m., every night they would serve free PB&J sandwiches and hot chocolate. It was the cutest thing ever. I'm sure all of our family thought, we were intending to party it up in the (real) city of sin,but nope! These girls were in bed before midnight, with PB&J.  I wish we had more time to explore, even 1 more day to try new things. But I think for all of us, it was a little unexpected and a very fun trip. I hope you all enjoyed the little details, I loved about our trip. As Always, Thanks for reading! 

New Neutrals

Get The Look : Jacket -  ( Similar) Banana Republic  , Top - ( Similar) BCBG , Skirt - BCBG , Shoes - (Similar) Steve Madden , Clutch - ( Similar) Bebe 

#Goals

This month I challenged myself to achieve goals set by someone’s Instagram post. Seems slightly ridiculous, but it struck a chord with me. The goals seemed very achievable and focused on living in the present. I can tend to fixate on the future and abandon the present, so to intentionally spend a month trying to work on a part of myself that I know needs work, maybe isn’t that ridiculous. I’ll start off saying I didn’t meet every single goal I set for myself, however I noticed myself making new goals, work oriented goals, that were impactful. Let me start with what I did not achieve. One goal was to have a night out with friends. Let’s be honest, I’m a little bit of a grandma. I don’t go out much at all. Don’t get me wrong I love to dance, and I love wine but the older I get drinking heavily, takes a toll on me quickly. The next day my stomach is wrecked, and not even in the “hangover” way, just bloated and uneasy. Even my face bloats! However, I do see the point of that goal especially for me. Since it isn’t something I do often, I should have made more of an effort to meet this goal. I am working on doing that this month. It may seem so crazy for a young-ish girl in party city, Austin, needing to make an effort to go out, but I do. That’s the truth. The only other goal I didn’t achieve was the 24-hour social media free. I actually thought this wouldn’t be a problem! I frequently leave my phone at home or when I’m home I’ll leave it in my bedroom to disconnect from the world. For some reason this month, it just got away from me. I (foolishly) tried to plan out the month and map out when I would be doing the action items on my list. But something that is so habitual, like picking up your phone and checking Instagram or snapchat, really, I found cannot be planned.

Now for the goals I did achieve, the ones I knew wouldn’t be a problem were day to yourself, date night, breakfast meet up with friends. Those I knew I could do, it’s already a part of my monthly rotation. The older you get the more of an effort you need to make to meet your friends. If you want a long last friendship, it takes a little effort. You must try to meet up with each other and take an interest in each other lives or you will just fade out of each other lives. My date night was so fun! I planned a pottery painting activity as a well as a wine tasting! We both had an amazing time, and it was so fun doing something we had never done together. In all honesty, I took a wine education class in college and have painted pottery before, BUT we had never done it together so it counts, y’all . It was so nice to reconnect and just have fun with each other. The day outdoors goal, was also special to me since I got to spend this one with an amazing friend in a new city. We spent the entire day, exploring San Diego. The refreshing sea breeze and salty air was favorable to me, as opposed to the stagnate humid heat of Texas in the summer. The goal I was unsure I would achieve was “1 day serving others”. I interned for nonprofits in college and truly enjoyed my work for them, but typically nonprofits want a minimum of time committed to them, understandably so. I needed an organization in which I could quickly volunteer as I could and didn’t require me to commit for 6 months, or need a background check, basically anything that would prolong what I wanted to accomplish this month. How I would love to commit 6 months to helping an organization and doing good, but I just don’t have that kind of free time. Anyway, I was able to register for 2 shifts to volunteer at the Central Texas Food Bank. My job offers 8 hours for us to take to volunteer, so it was perfect. The experience was great! It was a lot of work but it felt good to know that so many people were going to be impacted by our efforts. The first shift was pretty simple, laying out cheese for sandwiches, stacking trays, and sealing food. The second shift was the hard work. In the warehouse, we were sorting through potatoes, onions and carrots. Cleaning them off, making sure they weren’t rotten and packing them in sacks to be given to families. I smelled like onions the rest of the weekend, and was sneezing for days. I got home and was so exhausted, but when they told us we worked enough to feed over 10,000 families it felt so worth it. I want to take my niece and nephew when they get old enough so that they can get the experience of hard work and the incomparable feeling of giving back.

Throughout the month I felt so determined to achieve my goals, that I started to get ambitious and set more goals. At work, I am so focused on my overall career progression that I’m doing my best to meet with anyone who would listen and hear me. I’ve been trying to pick their brains on what I should do to help myself. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and started meeting with people I did not know, and just start a conversation. I still have a lot of work to do, but I’m not sure I would have been in this mindset without starting this silly challenge. Overall this month has felt really positive to me, I’ve done things for myself and for others that was solely about positivity. I want to strive to do this every other month to keep myself present, and involved. If anyone can take anything away from this, is even the most organized person can benefit from setting a goal, and feeling of accomplishment kept me accountable in many other areas of my life. Who doesn’t need that in their life? Please share your feedback! Are there goals you want to accomplish this month? Are there some you think I should try? I'd love to hear what you think!

Thank You for Reading...