New Neutrals

Get The Look : Jacket -  ( Similar) Banana Republic  , Top - ( Similar) BCBG , Skirt - BCBG , Shoes - (Similar) Steve Madden , Clutch - ( Similar) Bebe 

#Goals

This month I challenged myself to achieve goals set by someone’s Instagram post. Seems slightly ridiculous, but it struck a chord with me. The goals seemed very achievable and focused on living in the present. I can tend to fixate on the future and abandon the present, so to intentionally spend a month trying to work on a part of myself that I know needs work, maybe isn’t that ridiculous. I’ll start off saying I didn’t meet every single goal I set for myself, however I noticed myself making new goals, work oriented goals, that were impactful. Let me start with what I did not achieve. One goal was to have a night out with friends. Let’s be honest, I’m a little bit of a grandma. I don’t go out much at all. Don’t get me wrong I love to dance, and I love wine but the older I get drinking heavily, takes a toll on me quickly. The next day my stomach is wrecked, and not even in the “hangover” way, just bloated and uneasy. Even my face bloats! However, I do see the point of that goal especially for me. Since it isn’t something I do often, I should have made more of an effort to meet this goal. I am working on doing that this month. It may seem so crazy for a young-ish girl in party city, Austin, needing to make an effort to go out, but I do. That’s the truth. The only other goal I didn’t achieve was the 24-hour social media free. I actually thought this wouldn’t be a problem! I frequently leave my phone at home or when I’m home I’ll leave it in my bedroom to disconnect from the world. For some reason this month, it just got away from me. I (foolishly) tried to plan out the month and map out when I would be doing the action items on my list. But something that is so habitual, like picking up your phone and checking Instagram or snapchat, really, I found cannot be planned.

Now for the goals I did achieve, the ones I knew wouldn’t be a problem were day to yourself, date night, breakfast meet up with friends. Those I knew I could do, it’s already a part of my monthly rotation. The older you get the more of an effort you need to make to meet your friends. If you want a long last friendship, it takes a little effort. You must try to meet up with each other and take an interest in each other lives or you will just fade out of each other lives. My date night was so fun! I planned a pottery painting activity as a well as a wine tasting! We both had an amazing time, and it was so fun doing something we had never done together. In all honesty, I took a wine education class in college and have painted pottery before, BUT we had never done it together so it counts, y’all . It was so nice to reconnect and just have fun with each other. The day outdoors goal, was also special to me since I got to spend this one with an amazing friend in a new city. We spent the entire day, exploring San Diego. The refreshing sea breeze and salty air was favorable to me, as opposed to the stagnate humid heat of Texas in the summer. The goal I was unsure I would achieve was “1 day serving others”. I interned for nonprofits in college and truly enjoyed my work for them, but typically nonprofits want a minimum of time committed to them, understandably so. I needed an organization in which I could quickly volunteer as I could and didn’t require me to commit for 6 months, or need a background check, basically anything that would prolong what I wanted to accomplish this month. How I would love to commit 6 months to helping an organization and doing good, but I just don’t have that kind of free time. Anyway, I was able to register for 2 shifts to volunteer at the Central Texas Food Bank. My job offers 8 hours for us to take to volunteer, so it was perfect. The experience was great! It was a lot of work but it felt good to know that so many people were going to be impacted by our efforts. The first shift was pretty simple, laying out cheese for sandwiches, stacking trays, and sealing food. The second shift was the hard work. In the warehouse, we were sorting through potatoes, onions and carrots. Cleaning them off, making sure they weren’t rotten and packing them in sacks to be given to families. I smelled like onions the rest of the weekend, and was sneezing for days. I got home and was so exhausted, but when they told us we worked enough to feed over 10,000 families it felt so worth it. I want to take my niece and nephew when they get old enough so that they can get the experience of hard work and the incomparable feeling of giving back.

Throughout the month I felt so determined to achieve my goals, that I started to get ambitious and set more goals. At work, I am so focused on my overall career progression that I’m doing my best to meet with anyone who would listen and hear me. I’ve been trying to pick their brains on what I should do to help myself. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and started meeting with people I did not know, and just start a conversation. I still have a lot of work to do, but I’m not sure I would have been in this mindset without starting this silly challenge. Overall this month has felt really positive to me, I’ve done things for myself and for others that was solely about positivity. I want to strive to do this every other month to keep myself present, and involved. If anyone can take anything away from this, is even the most organized person can benefit from setting a goal, and feeling of accomplishment kept me accountable in many other areas of my life. Who doesn’t need that in their life? Please share your feedback! Are there goals you want to accomplish this month? Are there some you think I should try? I'd love to hear what you think!

Thank You for Reading...

Greetings From San Diego

I was lucky enough to go see a good friend in the beautiful city of San Diego, California. My friend and I met in college we bonded over our mutual love of fashion, and art. We both had a positive energy that the other fed off of. We got along quickly and never lost touch. She was the most gracious host and had the most beautiful home. I swear, as soon as I got home I went straight to IKEA to get more organized! 

She took me everywhere!I got to see so much in the little time I was there, and I'm eternally grateful for her hospitality. I've always heard so many wonderful things about San Diego and I was not expecting to see the most beautiful views of the ocean that I saw. I grew up near a beach, I've visited some but none glistened in the sun like this.

I've never been so close to a Sea Lion before, let alone any kind of wild animal such as that. I was in shock! It was such a surreal experience to be that close and see them. They were so comfortable near people and so unbothered. They only budged if people got a little too close for comfort or too close to the babies. I can still hear their barking in  my mind. 

I feel as though as if I won the lottery in surreal experiences. Earlier this year it was Metropolitan Opera and now it was the distinct and potent smell of the sea air at the La Jolla Cove. We rode along the Pacific Coast Highway! I'm so lucky beyond measure. I couldn't help but continue to pinch myself while I was there. Just soaking in all the natural wonder that my eyes had never glimpsed. We ate delicious foods. We went to the cutest spots and I had farm fresh eggs everyday. I sipped on crisp Chardonnay and Sauvignon Blanc while in cool California air. I'm certain I must of thought more than once, I could get used to this. 

We also went to the San Diego Zoo, of course!It was so fun and such an experience. There are no words to describe seeing these animals so close and walk the park. We spent hours trying to see every single animal we could. 

I'm just the girl from a small border town, who I'm sure even some family thought I would never amount to anything but I knew in my heart I would make my dreams happen. I would see the world and make lifelong friends to see the world with. I'm well on my way. In the end what made the trip so special was my friend. She and I spilled our deepest and darkest secrets, I know can you believe I have more secrets I haven't already spilled here? We reminded each other the beauty and the joys that life brings and the comfort that only true friendship can create. I could not be luckier with the friends I have been blessed with and I hope that we all just have amazing other experiences together. 

Worth It.

I recently had a revelation about myself. Sometimes, I think, like a lot of women, I have days where I feel bad about myself, specifically about how I look. However, for some reason, us women, put our self worth hand in hand with our confidence about our appearance. If something doesn't fit the way it did 5 years ago, we torture ourselves in our heads and beat ourselves up to no end. The thing that I realized though was that this was affecting my relationship and probably so much more. I realized that if I was sulking in my feelings of insecurities I was convincing myself that my partner felt all the bad things I felt about myself. I would convince myself that I was completely unlovable and that my partner would naturally see all the things I was destroying myself over. Why would I completely disregard everything good I've ever felt about myself as a human because the way I look in a bathing suit? Why does that one act of trying on a swim suit completely undo the work I've done on my self worth. These are questions, I'm not sure I will ever truly be able to answer, but it's something I'm willing to explore. 

"You looks so skinny, have you been running? You look great!", a family member said to me. I was 14, just joined the tennis team and was exercising 5 days a week, 3 hours a day. I loved it. I was good at it, and it was fun. I was playing with one of my best friends, and we were making new friends. "Have you lost weight? You're so skinny!", a friend said to me while grabbing my backpack from my locker. "You're so so fit, I would kill to have your back. It's so muscular!", my cousin uttered while trying on clothes in a fitting room. All of these were welcomed compliments in my 14 year old brain, what these people did not know was that at the time, while I was exercising 3 hours a day, in the sweltering heat of the border, I was also not eating. I would not eat breakfast, I would not eat lunch and come home and eat a bowl of cereal. Occasionally, someone would notice that I skipped lunch or had nothing on my plate but I would excuse it to being so picky,that I did not care to eat the cafeteria food. I would not go so far to categorize this as an eating disorder, but it was incredibly unhealthy. But how could I stop when all I was receiving was positive feedback from peers and loved ones? After a while, like most of my "diets" go, I start to reward myself. I do not know how to reward myself with out including food in some way. To this day, if I have a great day or bad day I look to ice cream as a treat to myself, because I deserve it, right? So, as a 14 year old girl welcoming all of this positive feedback, I began to treat myself. And by "treating myself", I mean eat. Eating 3 meals, meals my peers were eating, and my family.Normal food that others around me were eating. I started to gain the weight I lost and looking like my normal self. The compliments started to dwindle and I started to think, why do we as a society consider " Have you lost weight?" a compliment? 

I've heard many a times women say, they would rather be blank, than "fat". At the time, I would of rather of been starving and unhealthy, than "fat". Why at such a young age was I willing to make myself so unhealthy to be approved by others? I look back at that time and I remember still feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin. Wearing clothes to hide my body, and slouching and straightening my naturally curly ( eventually destroying it) hair, to appear more like my peers. So, what was the point? It didn't actually make me feel better about myself. I still was crippled by my own self doubt, and here I am at 27 and still facing these issues. Don't get me wrong all teenagers go through of phases of desperately wanting to be accepted amongst their peers, but there's something about how we condition women to think about self worth. Is loosing weight an accomplishment? Let's look at it two ways : 1. Stacey looses weight, after finding out she could develop heart disease and diabetes if she doesn't. She goes on to loose 50 pounds and starts excising regularly and eats more nourishing foods that compliment her diet. 2. Marla looses 50 pounds after restricting herself of carbs and sugar. She obsesses on every bite and works out everyday thinking still, she has not met her goal weight. I bet, these women will receive compliments from outsiders not knowing the true story. They are both legitimate and worth while reasons to these women to lose weight, but the obsession, the restrictions, that's where to me it begins to border on unhealthy. 

Today, body positivity is filling our Instagrams. Pictures of girls, that in high school we would of called "chubby", the worst thing a girl could be called, is now an Instagram influencer telling young women to wear crop tops and short shorts and to not be afraid that their thighs touch. What I would give for her confidence. Even an ounce of it. I just finished a book for my book club, called The Paris Wife, there is one quote that stuck with me while thinking of this topic.

“She was also incredibly confident, with a way of moving and talking that communicated that she didn't need anyone to tell her she was beautiful or worthwhile.” - Paula McClain, The Paris Wife 

The writer describes a new character as confident and not needing anyone to tell her she is beautiful or worthwhile, as if they are one in the same. But are they? If a woman is not considered beautiful, is she then not worthwhile? And if a woman is not thin, is she not beautiful? Logic, tells us no! Of course, not. There are plenty of women who are not thin, who are beautiful. However, what do we tell ourselves? When we delete the photos our friends or partners take of us where our double chins, make the ever so friendly appearance. Where we change out of the shorts that ride up when we walk because our thighs are rubbing them together. When you skip out on an activity because it means you'll be in front of a crowd and you don't feel comfortable being the center of attention. Why? Because you don't want others to look at you. How do we escape, this toxic cycle? People say confidence is not about what others think, it is what you think of yourself. But what if you are your own biggest critic. A ruthless, unkind, critic. I can't truly say.  All I can say is it's a work in progress. I think I'll struggle with this the rest of my life. What's different now, is I've identified it. I've recognized patterns and observed my effect on others. I've realized that I've attached my self worth with how I feel about my appearance. Here are compliments to myself that have nothing to do with my appearance,that no one can take away from me. 1.) I have a beautiful big heart. I know this, I would give anything and everything for those I love. 2.) I am bright, and intelligent. I think outside of the box. No matter how I age, or how my weight fluctuates or if my health deteriorates again tomorrow nothing will take these traits away from me. The damage I do to my own self esteem will not be destroyed by the lies I tell myself. Ladies, if you can gain anything from this, if you can relate just a little, tell yourself two compliments about yourself. ( It's just two, God forbid, we allow ourselves more and get judged for being full of ourselves -- that's another post for another time) Tell yourself these compliments today, tell yourself this when you look at yourself in the mirror finding another wrinkle. If we were not meant to age, God would not of invented time. If one day we could learn to love ourselves, no one can stop an empowered female. 

As always, Thank you for reading...

My Tour of the East Coast

Get The Look!
Coat - Ted Baker ( Found the short version of my coat on Poshmark!) , Pants -Madewell (Similar), Sweater - Lillia P (Similar)  

I am so lucky to of been able to take a trip of a lifetime! As adults we all know how difficult it can be to make time with your best friends, let alone plan a trip with them....and when they live across the country. But if you want something bad enough, you make it happen. My first stop was to see my best friend in her new home, in Baltimore. My best friend and I have been friends for more than half our lives. We've witnessed ups and downs and mistakes and triumphs. We support each other whole-heartily and it's such a beautiful thing. I had no idea what to expect of the city, but I have to honestly say, it left an impression! The city and it's people have been through a lot, but the people are friendly and the city unique. I loved seeing all the adorable town homes and walking around the inner harbor. The day I arrived, the pink magnolias were still closed and the day I left, they were in full bloom and gorgeous to behold! 

 Ever since I could remember, we day dream of being artists living in New York, and living the city life. Maybe those days are ahead of us, but regardless of that it meant a lot to us to experience the city together. It wasn't our first time, but it was very special. Not only did we get to walk around the city, but we saw an opera at the Metropolitan Opera. We saw Lucia di Lammermoor. It was magnificent. The set brought tears to my eyes, in all it's beauty. 

Get The Look!
Coat - Ted Baker , Sneakers - Target   

Then finally we traveled on to Washington D.C. I remember as a child dreaming of going to the Smithsonian. I LOVE history, especially American History. I love art even more, it was such a pleasure to visit the Smithsonian of American Art to see the portrait gallery of our American Presidents. It was such a sight to see Obama's Avant Garde portrait in person. The colors so rich, and striking. My best friend and I had an amazing time. We happened upon this adorable little coffee shop, and  I had a delicious croissant. Almost as good as the ones in Paris. 

Get  The Look!
Dress - Old Navy ( Similar) , Scarf - J.Crew (Similar), Cardigan - Nordstrom (Similar) 

I hope you enjoyed my snaps! Until the next trip, Thank You for Reading! 

Reality Bites.

It's been a little while since I've written, I apologize. Last we spoke I had just had my surgery and was on the path to recovery. The holidays came and went and here we are almost done with the second month of the year. To be completely honest, it's been difficult for me. I feel as if I'm in a slump. Last year was rough, it was 9 months of chronic pain, and the rest of the time was spent worrying if I was going to be in pain again soon. My body is not 100% yet, and I've put on about 7 pounds since the surgery and holidays. My motivation to be active is not what it used to be. These things combined, with of course,normal day to day life has my anxiety is up. 

When I'm really stressed, I sleep walk. Well, I'm not sure I can even call it sleep walking, it's more like waking up at 4 a.m. every night like clockwork and standing up beside my bed for 10 seconds, then realizing I'm standing and go back to sleep. What do you call that? Creepy. That's what you call it. I'm glad I live alone. I also pick at my skin around my fingernails, the cuticles and beyond to the point where it's painful. I'm sure the sequence of events over the passed year have definitely contributed to the anxiety. But what's next? I would consider myself a very optimistic person and I'm trying to keep that habit to be positive about the future, without hope what would we do. I'm trying to take steps to force myself out the shell I've made for myself. There's a comfort in your own solitude an wallowing a bit in your own self pity, but at the end of the day those create bad habits for a life, I'm not looking to create for myself. I am determined to make things better. I'm going to see my best friend soon, and taking a trip I had to postpone because of my health last year. I've worked hard to set aside some money to take this trip and I hope it well help reset my focus on getting healthy in every way. Physically and mentally. I honestly, did not realize I struggled with anxiety until the health issues started. Maybe they were already there and then intensified, I'm not sure but now that I'm aware its as if it there's a name to the beast. Name it, then destroy it. I keep these things inside most of time as I don't want to make my misery anyone else's problem. 

What I've realized is I couldn't of made it through last year with the support of my loved ones and truly with all the readers here. I'm sure the majority of the readers are friends, family and acquaintances which is amazing. The fact that anyone cares to read what I have to say somehow makes sharing your deep dark secrets, not as intimidating as it may seem. I had women reach out to me and share their struggles which was so meaningful. We all have dark days, dark weeks, months and maybe even years. There are some periods of our lives that are really dark, either by chemical imbalances or by the reality that faces us or both. It's how we chose to deal with said reality and decide if we want a change. And the reality is, I have a lot to be thankful for and hopeful for. I'll continue to take the steps to improve myself and hopefully, this slump will soon be over. 

My Favorite Time of the Year...

Thanksgiving has come and passed, we are feeling little heavier but probably a little happier. It's Sunday evening and many of us have returned home after our breaks from work and school to continue with our normal lives. However, with the feeling over our heads that we'll be gathering with loved ones again very soon. My birthday fell on Thanksgiving this year, as well. It's a bittersweet feeling, to have a holiday birthday. As a kid, I hated it! People always forgot, and getting people together around this time of year can be a challenge, but now as an adult I've become accustomed to these challenges. To be honest though, I do always feel a little sad around my birthday. No, it's not a fear of aging, I've always felt like a 90 year old woman on the inside, so birthdays feel like I'm just catching up to my soul. I can't quite pinpoint the feeling. Birthday Blues, I call them. I have a lot to be grateful for and feel that everyday. Despite the blues, I took my boyfriend home for the holidays. It was the first time I've ever brought a guy home to stay for the holidays. It was big deal for both of us. One thing him and I have in common, is that we were single for a long time before we met. It's something I think that we acknowledge, when firsts like this weekend happen, as being a big deal. As I write this with hesitancy,but I made a promise to myself to be completely honest and open about my life. I'm a very private person, especially when it comes to my relationships but I've got to keep my promise to myself. Anyway, it went well. My mom and sister made a beautiful Thanksgiving feast. 

We sat and enjoyed our meal, together. My mixed, multi-cultural, blended gathering of loved ones. It's my normal, and something I'm proud of. My dad made a comment to my boyfriend as we were leaving , "It was like the United Nations in there, wasn't it?. I'm happy it went well, Family is a delicate, but beautiful thing. Something I cherish, and sharing my family with another person is not something I take lightly. My niece and nephew were sitting at the table. My little angels, giggling and smiling through dinner, knowing they were amognst people who care deeply for them. They bring so much joy and make the holidays so special. The day after Thanksgiving/My Birthday. We spent the day at the Renaissance Festival, hence the photos I'm sharing.

It was a beautiful fall day full of excitement and yummy food. We had a blast and my niece, sister and mom dressed up. They were, of course, the most beautiful there. This is truly my favorite time of year. The weather, the foods we cook , and down to the clothes we wear. It feels as if I become the most, true version of myself. I hope you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving. This beautiful, American tradition that only exists in this country. Embrace that for a moment. I apologize, for my absence lately, I've been focused on my recovery (which is going well), but I intend to get back to business! Happy Holidays, everyone!