Excision of Bartholin's Gland : One Year Later

It feels a bit self indulgent to talk about what happened a year ago, but when women continue to find me on Instagram and ask me questions about my surgery, I feel it necessary to talk about. One year later and I've been able to accomplish a lot. The most important thing, NO MORE CYSTS or ABSCESSES. When I was suffering I also searched the web for anything. Any glimpse of hope or break from chronic pain and the unknown and let me tell you there's not much. I even remember reading articles about the surgery I had saying that it didn't work for women and fearing that there was not going to be change in what I had been going through. My doctor assured me it could NEVER happen, at least on that side. However, now I know even if I get a Bartholin's cyst on the right side, I'll immediately remove the other gland and move on. 

So, let get down to the things that no one talks about or tells you. 1. Costs. Of course the costs of many doctor's visits, ER visits, and surgeries add up. In the beginning when I started getting the Bartholin's cysts I had excellent insurance. I rarely paid a dime out of pocket. Then when I got a new job, the bills started to add up. Keep in mind I had 6-7 cysts in the span of 9 months. Doctor visits, then follow up visits, then surgeries they all have costs. Ultimately, in total I probably spent over $4000. Mind you I'm lucky, because I have a job and insurance but I do feel it is important to talk about because I feel like women suffering deserve to know. What I spent to me felt like a small fortune at the time, but I did it on my own and there's a sense of pride I feel in that. 

Secondly, the recovery and healing. After all the surgeries comes the healing. Down time and rest. I remember on the days after my mom left and my boyfriend had to return to his routine, I felt so lonely and incredibly bored. This time last year I was off from work for 2 weeks, in some slight pain but hopeful about my future. A year ago, I didn't know I would be visiting 4 new cities, I've never seen. I didn't know that I get a promotion at work, but in a year a lot can happen. A lot of positive things I made happen with hard work. On the other side, in my healing and focus on getting better, I've felt isolated and incredibly inactive. My friendships have changed and I feel as though I've grown distant with some people I thought, I never would. I also have, by my own fault, have not been exercising and have gained weight since last year. To be completely honest, in addition to the health journey I had another trauma happen last year around the time that all this started with that I'm not quite ready to talk about. Very few people know, but it's affected me tremendously. I am working so hard on  myself and growing in so many ways but truthfully, I feel as if I'm failing. I have changed, I am struggling and feel as though the trauma has contributed to my feelings of isolation and being lethargic. I'm planning on seeking help, and working on these things. All I can say is that I am a work in progress. 

Lastly, all I can say is when I write these kind of personal posts, I think to myself : No one cares, no one wants to know about your minor little surgeries and your personal little feelings. Then I have women I've never met reach out to me via email or on Instagram telling me about the immense pain they're in with their Bartholin's cysts, and how no one they know has gone through this. Then I think, if they stumbled upon this blog post and at the very least they don't feel alone, well then it feels worth it. I think of the other women who may stumble upon this blog and also experienced a sort of trauma and on some level can relate and not feel like a leper of society then I would feel like my writing isn't totally in vain. For the others that read this to support me, I just want to say I truly appreciate your interest. I know this started as a fashion blog. All the pretty pictures and outfits, but in a time where women are voicing their minds in a way like never before I want to use this tiny, platform and therapeutically voice mine. Today I went on a hike to clear my mind and get outside. I thought about where I was a year ago, about the times where getting in and out of my car was a difficult task and bathing was impossible and going to the bathroom (sorry) was excruciating. Then here I am hiking, working up a sweat, taking in the clean crisp autumn air and I feel alive. 

I hope that all of you, whatever you are experiencing right now, can feel that I am here for you. I mean that wholeheartedly. I seek connections, not vapid small talk, real deep friendships with people and if we can bond in some small way over our hardships, even if you feel they are minor or too major to understand, I am here and I will listen. 

xoxo, thank you for reading.